The Swimming Pool

Although there are those who are brave enough to venture in to the yellow waters of the shallow end, I personally prefer to be in the deep end so I don’t leave with the rest of Britain’s fungal infections, although, and this was especially after the Olympics with all the inspired people who came in wearing professional swimming costumes and expensive goggles, you are likely to be ran over, or indeed, swam over by those who are trying to improve their time. I had to dive to the bottom to avoid one particularly fast one once, but I went so fast that my goggles slipped and whacked me in the eyes.

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