OFSTED’s motto is “Raising standards. Improving lives.” If the lesson I was in that was observed today is anything to go by, OFSTED definitely don’t improve teachers lives. They rip them to shreds and trample on the pieces in their killer heels and tight pencil skirts. Upon their arrival the teachers were in their best suits and had the facial expressions of someone who was smiling while having Botox injection. My headteacher truly outdid himself on his tie – gold, shiny and covered in powder-blue and pale yellow flowers, although at first I thought they were unicorns and nearly collapsed with laughter as he went past.