The Tights

Needless to say, tights were invented by a man – no woman would willingly create something so ridiculously uncomfortable that they would be forced to wear when the weather was cold (nearly every day in Britain). They are also so easy to tear – and you don’t notice the huge hole in the ankle until you have struggled into them, or realise they are way too small and have to waddle around like a penguin until you can find some more. Mine tend to go missing, but I worked out that little mystery – my mum used them to tie up her plants in the garden. Great!

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