To Future Medicine-Makers…

When making a liquid that is literally the colour of death and tastes so horrendously awful that you actually have a gag reflex, don’t try to disguise it with an orange flavour because that makes it worse. Instead of just tasting awful it now has the added bonus of tasting like decaying oranges on top of the original flavour, and also smells, as my father said, of health food shops, which is not a good thing. Health food shops intimidate me for lots of reasons: one, I swear they make aisles in those places smaller so that you have to eat the food in their shop before you can get to the stuff that actually tastes like anything resembling food; two, there are very healthy people working there who judge you as you go by with a packet of crisps in one hand, a can of coke in the other and a lollipop in your mouth (it is known as binge-eating, we’ve all done it, don’t lie to yourselves); and three, if you want something that contains more than seven calories per 100 grams then they say “I’m sorry, that isn’t stocked here” and shoot a glance to the McDonald’s across the road. They stress me out.

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