The Orthodontist

This is the teenage version of God’s Waiting Room, with people sitting playing Angry Birds on their phones while dreading the evil call of the person who is about to tighten the metal on your face so much you wander around not being able to feel your head for a week and not eat for more than that. The occasional person will come sauntering out looking perfect like: (Dan Howell gif)Step aside peasants

because they have just had theirs taken off and look like a flipping Disney princess and will look down on all of us with a look that tries to be sympathetic but reeks of triumph mixed with disdain.

There is also the issue of the encouraging posters on the walls advertising those see-through braces saying “don’t be embarrassed to smile any more!”. Should I be embarrassed to smile now? Is that why we have braces, to force us into misery for years? Society is very mean.

Along with the issue of braces comes the issue of the lying people that put them on, who will at first say “they won’t hurt at all – you’ll hardly notice they are there!!!” and then the next time will say “they really hurt, didn’t they? Yeah? Sorry about that, but it’s only going to get better now!”. LIES! Lucky for you I have composed a list of things you will need to survive the times of joy ahead of you:

– Painkillers (to be administered by an adult and taken responsibly, may I add)

– Melted chocolate (easy way to consume calories without having to chew on anything)

– The new 5 Seconds Of Summer album to drown your sorrows in the wonderful voice of Luke Hemmings and the face of Ashton Irwin.

– A television to watch all the Harry Potters from start to finish because you won’t feel good enough to go and watch The Fault In Our Stars at the cinema and it was out of the cinema by the time you actually could leave the house (first world problems).

And you should be good to go!

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