24th December – Christmas Eve

It is the morning before Christmas, my Christmas Day post is scheduled (because I refuse to go online tomorrow, or I will be sucked into the vortex of reading emails and tweets and I won’t see anyone for 10 hours) and everything is clean and tidy, yes, even my room. It’s full of floor! All that we need to do now is bung together a Christmas pudding and decorate the Christmas cake, along with a bit of last minute tidying and putting Quality Street in bowls. Oh and mince pies. We need more mince pies. And I need to wrap all the presents. Oh god I have to go there’s a lot more than I thought there was to do!

Anyway, have a good Christmas and enjoy the day and don’t bother turning on the WiFi and coming and reading the post, Christmas is a time to be with real people. And also, it’s not that good, tbh haha.

The Other Types Of Vortexes

To continue the Internet Vortex, may I also suggest never to tweet your symptoms because there will be some idiot out there who says you have the plague or something and will leave you frantically scrolling through all 54,500,000 results you get when you Google ‘I have a headache’ (true, though, I just Googled it to see how many there were). They also seem to feel the need to boast about how fast they managed to tell me – I got 54, 500,000 results in 0.25 seconds thank you very much peasants with slow internet! No, but seriously, given the accuracy of Google in the past, about 500, 000 of those results will be adverts for cat food.

I will always share what other gems I find on the internet. I’m sure you will be inundated.

The Internet Vortex

We have all been dragged into an endless torrent of Googling before, and if you say you haven’t, you are either lying or in denial. Let me just say this: if you type in any symptoms you may possibly have, you will be told you have a very serious illness and most of the time, this is complete rubbish. My father Googled the other day and according to the internet, he is pregnant. It’s very exciting, I know. All I’m saying, really, is that you shouldn’t believe what you read on the internet. Well, except this. I speak nothing but truth on this here website, I can tell you.